Friday, September 30, 2011

Name Game

Name Game

Just as one day we will run out of names to describe various shades of red in lipstick tubes, I imagine housing developers will one day run out of themed-street names for their new boulevards, avenues and drives. In the old days, streets were named after presidents, types of trees, or were given numbers –Lincoln Avenue, Sycamore Drive and 2nd Street.

These days, developers seem compelled to create wonderlands from tangles of streets named after berries, fruits and stones. Boysenberry, Huckleberry, Blueberry / Plum, Peach, Cherry / Stonemaster, Millstone, Stonebridge. My brain doesn’t work that way. All I remember is that to get to Marie’s house, I’m supposed to turn right on some street called Stone-something. I’m a scientist. Why can’t they make a neighborhood with medical or sciency street names that are easier to remember? Who could forget to make the turn onto Pulmonary Edema from Congestive Heart Failure Avenue? And let’s not forget that cute little park by Kidney Stone Way. During rush hour you can get there faster if you take the Coronary By Pass and follow the shortcut onto Diarrhea Drive. Why am I not consulted on these matters?

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